The following is a work of fiction and a continuation of a story I have been working on. You can find links to the Scary Story here.
“You know you can’t call children services on them, right?”
I shifted uncomfortably in my chair.
“I don’t care who they are, it’s just wrong to keep a child locked up like that.”
“You may not care who they are, but they will destroy you. They aren’t just your average Joe. Those are some powerful people.”
“It’s not like I would leave a name. It would be an anonymous tip.”
“Here taste this.” He held out a spoonful of sauce.
“See, this is why I love you. That is amazing.”
He winked at me.
“At least I’m good for something.”
He returned his attention to the stove. “Anonymous or not, they can still find out who called it in. You have to believe that.”
“I don’t know, I still think I should call. You weren’t there. It was truly creepy. What if he needs help and I don’t do anything. I could never live with myself. And I just keep imagining all these horrible things that could be happening to him.”
“That’s your problem. You need to just let it go and realize sometimes things are out of our control.”
“Hey, hand me a bowl, would ya? Dinner is almost ready.”
I handed him a bowl and set out two place settings on the island.
“You can’t save all the children.” He said, dishing up two heaping servings of pasta.
“I know.”
“So you say.”
“The look on his face was so vacant. It just broke my heart.”
Silence hung in the air while we each enjoyed the first bite.
“So we agree, you aren’t going to call this in.”
I took another bite, not answering.
The prompt this week was all about writing conversation. As always, concrit is welcome.
Oh man. Not only was this the perfect mix of a normal dinner conversation between husband and wife (I think) and something sinister, but it’s also SO relevant to what’s going on at Penn State. Really good. Totally drew me in and I want to know more!!
I agree with Kristina. I can totally picture a husband and wife discussing this unsettling subject in a normal family kitchen type setting. I think the addition of what they are doing in the kitchen along with the description of silences, etc bring the conversation alive. I think this is well done and I’m glad you are continuing on with the story because I know the whole story and its a great one!
I agree that the combination of everyday stuff (‘hand me a bowl’) and mixed up with what is clearly a potentially horrific story is extremely effective.
earlybird´s last [type] ..The early flight from Gatwick (Fiction/dialogue)
That was really well written. I am completely incapbable of writing conversation–good job!
Like others, I think the strength in this piece comes in the everyday light conversation mixed in with what is obviously a scary situation and the decisions to made about that situation. It’s true to life. Even as bad things happen around us, we keep going — we eat, sleep, have sex and talk.
Still, you drew me into this woman’s decision about what she saw and what action she’ll take. The ending was perfect. Leaving me, as a reader, to figure out what she might do. I say she makes the call:~)
Sara´s last [type] ..Childhood Memories
Wow. This made me so uncomfortable, which I think was your intent, so we’re all good.
The one hard thing for me to believe was that they could so calmly talk about dinner in the midst of this horrific conversation about child abuse. But I suspect you actually did that on purpose. Perhaps they’re both social workers who have to be able to dissociate from what they encounter so that they can live normal lives when they aren’t working?
Great stuff!
Venus´s last [type] ..Red Writing Hood: Say What?
This made me extremely uncomfortable. And kind of mad at him; it feels like he’s controlling the situation more than he “should.” And, dangit, she should call child services!
Well done.
The M Half´s last [type] ..Fiction Friday: The New Girl
I like the way you’ve interwoven the serious topic of child abuse, and made it a part of the relaxed dinner conversation, which wasn’t really the time nor the place for such conversation. Or was it?
mish´s last [type] ..Tete-`A-Tete
In the wake of Penn State I got a knot in my stomach with this and that is what made it so good. Your blocking and the easy banter was easy, well executed and took me into that kitchen. I really enjoyed this!!!
Kir´s last [type] ..TRDC: Comfort
nice! totally was thinking of the psu tragedy. definitely want to read more.
Everyone has already recognized what makes this conversation so effective – the very natural way in which you weave the darker conversation into the lighter conversation. It’s an authentic choice, and it draws a reader in.
Cameron´s last [type] ..A Red Circle with a Line