I was recently directed to an article all about parenting and the Carpe Diem message many of us have received from a sweet Grandmother while waiting in line at the store with our cantankerous brood.
I was surprised to find that in many ways I totally disagreed with the author. If you know me at all, or follow my blog, you will know that I’m a realist. I write about the hard parts of parenting. I am brutally honest about the chaos of raising children. I don’t sugar coat, I don’t pretend it is all wonderful. And yet, I find myself agreeing with the Carpe Diem message of the sweet Grandma.
Perhaps my problem is that my definition of Carpe Diem allows for a bad day, or a bad week, or even a bad month.
Or maybe, it’s just a little life experience that has me nodding my head. Because children DO grow up so very quickly. Every moment is not awesome, but it is.
Let me explain. This last summer, my sweet friend died. All of a sudden. Out of the blue. Gone. Maybe you can Carpe Diem in heaven, I don’t know. But I know that if she had somehow lived, she would have Carpe’d the crap out of every single Diem she had.
It doesn’t make cleaning up puke any more glorious, or the laundry less tedious. Carpe Diem doesn’t mean life is beautiful and grand every second of every day. It means that you appreciate it. Appreciate snuggling with your sick child. Be grateful you can.
Because what if one day, you suddenly couldn’t? What if you no longer had the choice? What if there was no more Diem to Carpe?
And even if you live to a ripe old age, your children will soon be grown and gone. The babies that drive you crazy all day long will no longer need you. Their noise and mess and fighting will be replaced with an occasional phone call and visits.
Counting down the hours until bedtime or until Dad returns home will be replaced with a countdown until you see your kids and grandkids again.
Time will always pass, it is what you choose to do with it and the attitude you do it with that makes the difference in the long run.
Maybe, just maybe, Grandma knows something I haven’t lived long enough to fully understand.
Carpe Diem? Maybe I will.
In the last 4 years, we have lost 4, yes, 4 dear friends …
It shakes me to the core to think of their families, their young children growing up without them there each and every.
I read that post too, she is an awesome writer and I follow her blog … but this, this I relate too!
By Word of Mouth Musings´s last [type] ..Wordy Wordless Wednesday – Would YOU know YOU?
I am so sorry for your losses. It is tough to lose someone, but watching their families without them is so painful. It really makes you rethink things.
Thank you and Amen!! Beautiful Post!!!
I’m pretty sure everyone saw that post. I loved it. It resonated with me at this time in my life. Her message helped me be less disappointed in my inability to find the good some days. My take away was to find the moments that shine and treasure those.
Your post is equally enlightening. Motherhood is a messy business. There are moments when I feel overwhelmed and under prepared. However, you’re right, these moments shouldn’t, and don’t, define my motherhood. The laundry, chaos and tears are just parts that make up the total experience. An experience that I imagine I will miss one day. Thank you for pointing out that finding the joy in even the most difficult of days is part of the wonder.
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Thank you for your comment. Motherhood is a messy business. It’s not easy. But I fear that too many merely “survive” and forget to enjoy the journey. I know I go to survival mode from time to time and I miss things. I just don’t want my children to grow up and regret not appreciating how equally joyful it can be.
You and I seem to think alike: http://nervousimpulses.wordpress.com/2012/01/20/carpe-diem/
Very well said, and I completely agree more. Though the fondness and appreciation when I’m in the thick of it is admittedly a trait I need to utilize more.
C @ Kid Things´s last [type] ..While You Were Sleeping
Huh. Pretty right on with my post like this last week! I was very happily surprised to see support for this point of view, as I thought people might see me as crazy for disagreeing with her.
I thought the same thing. It’s been nice to see support from others who also disagree. Thanks for stopping by!
Oh just wait until you are a recent breast cancer survivor SAHM to 4 and long before you ever figured a mid-life-crisis would make every day a lesson in life-appreciation-of-the-crap-yr dealt. Loved the carpe diem rant that got the blogosphere all a twitter but the fact is that *author* really does not appreciate her mortality like the rest of us walking wounded do. Some of us know a little more about borrowed time.
I loved your POV. Im of the opinion when Grandma’s say ‘cherish these moments’ What they are probably saying is:
I wish I hadn’t been so stressed out when raising little ones, I wish I could have stopped and enjoyed the ride more, I want to tell you to enjoy the ride more.
Victoria Hamel´s last [type] ..Veggies, Veggies, Veggies
I read that and I agree with your take on it.
Diane´s last [type] ..How to Annoy Your Sister
But how do you carpe diem? My 45 year old aunt died quite suddenly as well, leaving 7 children behind. She died 3 weeks after I had my second child. The contrast between birth and death was right before me. Every night before I go to bed I think “Tomorrow will be different. Tomorrow I’m going to try really hard to enjoy the good parts and be patient with the bad parts.”. Guess what? It doesn’t work. I know I’m very, very blessed to be the mother of two beautiful, healthy children. I love them. I love my husband. I love that we’re sealed and will get to be together for eternity. I worry all the time about having health taken suddenly from myself of my children, and I try not to take all of our blessings for granted.
All that aside, every day drags on. I cry every day. I wonder why I can’t enjoy my life more every day. And mostly, I wonder why some women love it so much and some women don’t. I wonder why God made me one of the ones that doesn’t when I so desperately want to be one of ones that loves it.
Those of us that can’t carpe diem wish we could. Trust me, we’re not having fun here. I love that other article because one woman accepted that she couldn’t carpe diem and found fulfillment in motherhood in other ways. And found happiness in motherhood despite not loving every second. And despite eagerly waiting every day for her husband to come home.
I’ve been crying for 2 hours now. Hopefully I’m just tired and tomorrow will be better. Hopefully as my children grow I’ll learn to to enjoy the ride more.
I’d love for someone to write an article on how to carpe diem. It seems to me it is personality more than anything. I want to hear from someone who used to really not like being a stay at home mom and then found a way to enjoy life more. Because that’s who I want to be.
Michelle,
Thank you so much for your comment. You make some very good points and I want you to rest assured that I haven’t always felt this way. The early years of motherhood for me were very hard. It wasn’t until I had children in school that I really began to enjoy it. That being said, I still have times when it sucks. I actually really loved the end of that article, because that is how I Carpe Diem. It’s in the little moments. I get tired of the mundane every day, never ending part of Motherhood. I think most people do. But I’ve begun to see how quickly my children are growing up and I am suddenly realizing that the first year of life that seemed like a lifetime with my first, is nearly gone for my last.
After reading your comment, I already have a post brewing in my head to write about how to Carpe Diem. I think that is a valid point. There has been a lot of chatter about whether or not we should, but not much on how to do it.
I truly hope that you can find some joy in mothering. It is a hard and difficult job, but there are good parts in it. Even if you just catch a glimpse, I promise it’s there.
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